In the Pines is out now!

I’m extremely pleased to be writing that my latest book, In the Pines, has been published by Influx Press. In the Pines is a novella, which tells the story of the narrator’s lifelong relationship with the forest through a series of fragmented sketches and short stories. It is also a collaboration, with the photographer (and my good friend) Eymelt Sehmer. The book includes a series of her collodion wet plate photographs, using a 170-year old technique which required her to take a mobile dark room into the forest to develop the images on site.

The stories and the photographs contained in the book are linked. Sometimes, Eymelt went into the forest with one of my stories in mind, and came back with an image inspired by it. Other times she came out of the forest with a series of pictures that triggered something in my imagination and out came another story for the book. We will be launching the book on the 20 November at Eymelt’s gallery in Berlin, where she will also be exhibiting the photographs. If you are in or around Berlin next week then we would love to see you.

Otherwise, if the book is of interest then you can get your copy via Influx Press or through your local bookshop. If you are not close to a bookshop or are being careful with shopping right now, Bookshop.org is a website where you can both order online but also support a local or independent bookshop. You can find all my books, including In the Pines, here.

A Little Over Halfway There – #30for30 Half Marathon Challenge

The Pahar Trust Nepal team along with teachers and pupils at Sita Ram school in Nepal, where they’ve already been undertaking a number of #30for30 activities since January.

I wanted to write this last week, between my 15th and 16th half marathons for the Pahar Trust Nepal’s #30for30 fundraising campaign, but events got the better of me. So here we are, with sixteen runs down and another fourteen to go and I have to say that – for the most part – I’ve been really enjoying these weekly long runs. 

One of the main reasons has been the company. On most of the runs I have been joined by my good friend Jim for at least some of the way, and I’ve also run a half marathon with Neil and Charlotte. Unfortunately, the restrictions here in Berlin have limited me to only being able to run with one person per week, but I am hopeful that by the time we get into the twenties it might be possible to run with a slightly larger gang. 

But the support I’ve had over the past sixteen weeks has not only been from these three out on the streets with me, but also from everyone who has donated via my Justgiving page and sent me words of encouragement and support, and especially Alan and Tim from the Pahar Trust Nepal who have sent me supportive emails and a lovely fundraisers medal to mark the halfway point of the campaign. I have medals from running that include a full marathon in the forests of Brandenburg, the Mauerweglauf along the Berlin Wall Trail, and numerous half marathons and 10km runs in Berlin, Liverpool, Dresden and Leipzig, but I think this is the one that I will treasure the most.

Right now the Pahar Trust Nepal is well on the way to their #30for30 target of £50,000 and our little community that has supported me in my half marathon efforts have already donated (at the time of writing) £1,785. When I started the fundraising back in December I set an aim of £200 – my target now is ten times that (and secretly I’m aiming for more – see below). Thanks so much to everyone who has supported so far, and if you feel like encouraging me for the runs to come, you can do so here on my Justgiving page.

The Important Bit:

But what’s the money going to be used for? I thought I would use the halfway report to go into a little more detail on the Pahar Trust Nepal’s work and in particular their early years education projects, as this is the main focus of the #30for30 campaign. On their website, there is an overview of the importance of early years education by Sue Green, the Pahar Trust Nepal President:

“A child’s brain develops more than at any other time during the first five years of life and the experiences that a child has during this time shapes their brain development. The basis of a child’s social behaviour, capacity to learn, ability to problem solve, communication skills and motivation skills develop during these early years. Without appropriate age related stimuli and loving care development will be inhibited…” (Read the rest of Sue’s post here)

On the website they also present a couple of case studies, to give anyone who supports the Pahar Trust Nepal the chance to understand how the funds raised via the #30for30 campaign and through their other activities will be used. This includes a story from the Thaprek School in Tanahun, where volunteers visited in 2019 to support the refurbishment of the school to provide an improved Early Childhood Development classroom, a new kitchen and dining area, and a safe, reliable water supply.

The team repainted the classroom to make it brighter and more engaging, installed new furniture and learning resources, and constructed a new toilet so that children did not need to go outside – especially beneficial during the monsoon season. The improvement works cost around £4,200, and the impact for the children was clear to the teacher, Muniraj Gurung, who said: 

“The new room has provided much more space for the children to play and they have lots of learning materials to use now. We are also able to provide snacks to the children which is good.  We have seen an increase in attendance and we are almost full which is good for the children. They can play with each other and learn many things while playing. They are improving their habit of helping each other also. I would like to thank the donors for their support because before there was a very narrow room; there weren’t many things to read and play with. Now we have a room and resources which makes the children happy and their learning becomes even more meaningful.”

Each penny that we raise for the #30for30 campaign will go towards projects like the Thrapek School, and even modest amounts make a massive difference. For example…

£20 could provide a bag and educational materials for a student
£100 could repaint a classroom
£500 could provide new resources such as stationery & toys
£1,200 could provide new flooring, a whiteboard & furniture
£3,000 could provide the complete refurbishment of an existing room

I don’t know how realistic it is, but if by the end of the thirty weeks and the thirty half marathons we can get close to the £3,000 needed to complete refurbish an Early Child Development classroom then it would certainly make every one of 632.7 kilometres worth it, and all the aching muscles that come with them!

One more for luck: 30 Half Marathons in 30 Weeks Fundraising Page

You can find out more about the Pahar Trust Nepal, sign up for regular newsletter updates and discover more details about the various projects they’ve undertaken and supported over the last thirty years on their website: Pahar Trust Nepal.

#30For30 – Half Marathon Challenge for the Pahar Trust Nepal

I’ve never been one for New Year’s resolutions, but as we approached the end of 2020 – possibly the most strange and anxious year many of us will have ever experienced – I decided to set myself a running challenge that would be doable regardless of lockdowns and other restrictions that might be in place. My idea was to do something for the Pahar Trust Nepal, an organisation that I’ve long known about thanks to the involvement of good friends of ours. It turned out that, as I thought about what it was I might do, they were in the process of announcing a fundraising campaign to mark 30 years since the first school funded and built by what became the Pahar Trust Nepal was opened.

And so, with #30For30 as their campaign slogan, it seemed only right to come up with a challenge that fit this theme and so the idea of running thirty half marathons in thirty weeks was born. At the time of writing I have completed the first four – you can read about them on my fundraising page, or follow me on Instagram – and despite Berlin’s cold winter they have been going well, although I am beginning to get used to having nearly permanently tired legs. I’m hoping this will get better the longer the challenge goes on.

About the #30For30 Campaign

From the first school opened in Pokharithok, a tiny village in the Himalayas, the Pahar Trust Nepal has completed more than 200 projects, including building and renovating 159 schools, 51 libraries and 38 other essential projects such as health centres and toilets. For the #30For30 campaign throughout the whole of 2021, the PTN is aiming to raise £50,000 to help 30 schools in Nepal improve their teaching provision and facilities for pre-primary school children aged 1-5 years old.

This might include the total refurbishment of a classroom, or more resources such as stationery, toys and other educational materials. From the PTN website:

When children attend pre-primary education, they are more likely to stay in school and attain minimum reading and mathematics competencies. It also supports economic growth, as it enables mothers and other caregivers the opportunity to work and increase their earnings.

Research also shows that children who receive safe, quality education at this age are significantly more likely to have more successful outcomes as adults.

The campaign supports the UN’s Sustainable Development Goal to ensure all children have access to quality early childhood development (ECD) so that they are ready for primary education.

I have set my own fundraising goal to £800 and as of today thanks to some generous support I am already at 81% of the target. To get an idea how the fundraising can help, here is an overview of how the money collected can be used:

£20 could provide a bag and educational materials for a student
£100 could repaint a classroom
£500 could provide new resources such as stationery & toys
£1,200 could provide new flooring, a whiteboard & furniture
£3,000 could provide the complete refurbishment of an existing room

I’ll add some updates here on the blog as the campaign continues, both about my runs but also the projects in Nepal that the campaign will help, and once the weather improves and I can strike out a bit from running only from home, I’ll also post some route ideas for anyone planning to come to Berlin and would like to explore by running a half marathon through the city. And if you feel like supporting me in this 30-week challenge, then please visit my Justgiving page. I know that things are tough financially for many people right now, but anything you can donate will make a very real difference and is greatly appreciated. And if anyone fancies keeping me company on a long run between now and July, just let me know.

Paul

Publications and round-up of 2020

At the end of this strange and anxious year, I’m once more looking back at the last 12 months to create a round up of some of the things I’ve been up to. In March, my first book in German (translated by Ulrike Kretschmer) was published – AM RAND: UM GANZ BERLIN. In December, we launched STORIES FROM THE SQUARE, a series of short stories commissioned by The Circus in Berlin and which you can listen to me read if you follow the link.

Here is what else I have been up to:

For Lit Hub (essay): ‘What can the artist do in dark times‘, on the life and legacy of Käthe Kollwitz.
For Metamorphosen 27 (short story): ‘Walking to remember‘.
For Stadio (essay): ‘Six weeks in Springtime‘.
For hidden europe magazine (essay): ‘Carried on the wind: Walking with Rilke in Duino‘.
For Caught by the River (obituary): ‘Caught by the Reaper: Jan Morris‘.
For the exhibition BERLIN.LOKAL-ZEIT (essay): ‘Berlin Springtime‘ (audio version).
For Lit Hub (essay): ‘Can the German Path to Truth and Reconciliation Work in America?‘.
For Caught by the River (essay): ‘Shadows and Reflections‘, on the artwork of Rob Piercy.
For hidden europe magazine (essay): ‘The 21.48 from Aachen‘.

For Europe by Rail I wrote a monthly short essay from March to December. You can see the archive of pieces here, but I wanted to  flag up the August essay ‘A Little Train in the Mountains‘, a tribute to Tony Judt on the tenth anniversary of his death.

We continued our work on Elsewhere: A Journal of Place, and I was privileged to work with wonderful writers throughout the year. My own pieces for the journal are here and a couple of my favourites are:
Irreplaceable – An interview with Julian Hoffman‘.
Jenny Sturgeon, Nan Shepherd and The Living Mountain‘.
At Grunewald station: Memory and the danger of forgetting‘.

There are a couple of videos of events we managed to do during this strange year, including this one (in German) about my book AM RAND, and this one (in English) about Wanderlust and Memories of Elsewhere. I was also very honoured to be invited to Dortmund to take part in a panel discussion as part of the ‘The Other Side‘ exhibition at the Dortmunder U. 

What of next year? I’m currently in the middle of writing a book about Germany’s Harz mountains and Heinrich Heine, tentatively to appear in 2022, and October 2021 will see the publication of my novella IN THE PINES, accompanied by photography from Eymelt Sehmer. It’s being published by Influx Press and all the details are here.

Finally, and in connection to Influx. Early in the first lockdown we made some short films featuring readings from our books. Here’s mine for my Berlin novel BUILT ON SAND, which was published by Influx in 2019.

Publications and round-up of 2019

As we reach the end of 2019 I wanted to bring all the different things I have been up to over the past twelve months into one place. It has been a busy, exciting and exhausting year, not least because it saw the publication of my debut novel BUILT ON SAND (Influx Press) as well as a number of other short stories and essays that have found their way out into the world:

For the New Statesman (essay): ‘How Joseph Roth saw Europe’s future’.
For Lit Hub (essay): ‘How Berlin Reckons with Its Past Each and Every Day’.
For SAND Journal (short story & interview): ‘Trans Europa Express’.
For hidden europe (essay): ‘A Walk in Grumsin: The Forest and the German Imagination’.
For BLA Bokvennen Litteraer Avis (essay): ‘Against forgetting’.
For The Lonely Crowd (short story): ‘The Haunted Land’.
For Caught by the River (essays): ‘Field Notes from High Fläming’ and ‘Shadows & Reflections’.

We also continued with Elsewhere: A Journal of Place, which is now an online journal and for which I wrote the following articles and essays:
‘On Potsdamer Straße (to see an old friend)’.
‘Postcard from Rüdenhof, Moritzburg’.
‘Between the villages’.

As the editor in chief of Elsewhere, I also previewed the fine album ‘Chalk Hill Blue’ by Will Burns & Hannah Peel, and had the privilege to edit and publish far more fine writing than I have space for here. One particularly proud moment was to publish a series of literary tributes to writers at risk around the world, in collaboration with English PEN – archive here.

Earlier in the year I was interviewed by Nothing But The Rulebook about my writing, while in November, I was interviewed for the Monocle podcast ‘The Urbanist’ about borders, memory and the anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall. There were also readings in Germany, the UK and Ireland, all of which were a lot of fun and are listed here.

The end of the year also saw the first time my work has appeared in German. Ulrike Kretschmer translated my essay about a night walk in Berlin for the anthology PSYCHOGEOGRAFIE, edited by Anneke Lubkowitz and published by Matthes & Seitz.

So that was my 2019 in writing. Let’s see what 2020 brings…

Joseph Roth and the Schiller Park in spring

The parks of a city reflect their surroundings, not so much in how they look but in who can be found wandering their pathways or lounging on their green spaces. In Berlin, many of the parks were created with the expansion of the city – ‘People’s Parks’ intended as a patch of nature, a communal garden, for those who lived in cramped tenement blocks and worked the red-brick factories of the industrial age. With their trees, lawns and gravel paths, the parks of Friedrichshain, Wedding, Mitte and even the grand old Tiergarten in the heart of the city, have always shared much in common, but since the beginning they got their local character from their local characters.

In 1923 the writer Joseph Roth visited the Schiller Park in Wedding for an article published in the Berliner Börsen-Courier. It was autumn, and he reflected on the falling leaves and the poetry in the sound of their rustling, that symbolised a spirit of ‘mournfulness and a sense of transience’ that fitted the time of the year. Or at least, it did in the Tiergarten, preserve of the promenading well-to-do of Charlottenburg. In the Schiller Park, things were different:

‘…the locals from the working-class district of Wedding gather up the leaves every evening, and dry them, and use them for winter fuel. Rustling is strictly a luxury, as if poetry without central heating were a luxury.’ (from What I Saw, translated by Michael Hofmann, Granta)

On a Saturday morning in spring I run from my flat in Gesundbrunnen (once part of Wedding) through the backstreets of my neighbourhood until the Schiller Park opens out in front of me. There are no leaves on the ground of course, and even if there were, most of Wedding’s apartments now have central heating. But in the people on the benches and playing football on the open space, the neighbourhood is still reflected, as it was when Roth was here. This scene is Wedding. The park is rooted in its community.

The football pitches are both makeshift and yet impressively organised, with thin ropes and plastic training cones to mark the sidelines. Each team has a different coloured bib, and there is a referee, identifiable as the only person on the pitch without a day-glo vest and by the whistle hanging around his neck. There is a small crowd off the the side watching on at the halfway line, and I stop with them for a moment as I catch my breath. Encouragement is shouted in a number of different languages. A young child plays in the piles of discarded jackets and tracksuit tops of the players. I chat with a man doing keepy-uppies, waiting for his substitute appearance. We speak in English. He was born on another continent. He lives around the corner. He asks me where I am from. I tell him I was born on an island that seems to wish it was another continent. And that I also live around the corner. He laughs.

I am tempted to stay in the Schiller Park, to watch the rest of the game and wait for the time that the beers are opened from the crates that mark the halfway line. The sun is warm and music plays, a rhythm from portable speakers that mingles in the spring air with the sound of shouts, the referee’s whistle and the thud of a hoofed clearance out from the back. Elsewhere in the park, morning drinkers occupy the benches that line the path around the edge. I re-join the stream of joggers circling the park. Away from the football pitches, a family have arrived to set up for a picnic, laying out blankets between the coolboxes. It is the first warm Saturday of the year and you can feel the happiness in the air. The Schiller Park is still the neighbourhood’s backyard. It was a mild winter, but a winter nevertheless, and we all survived it. Now it’s time to play.

Words & Picture: Paul Scraton

By the river

It is a cold morning down by the river, on one of those days when it doesn’t really get light. If there is activity here, it is to be found inside. In the red-brick workshop where, behind high windows, a blonde woman with paint beneath her fingernails hammers at a lump of stone. In the library where, among the shelves, staff move with soft footsteps as tandem partners trade languages in low voices across circular tables and children search for stories they can read, listen to or play. In the apartments that look down on the river, the library and the workshop, and the spaces in between.

Outside, the football pitch is empty. The playground too, and the benches where drinkers gather on warmer days than this. They are part of the strange community down by the river, with their dogs and their brown bottles, and the arguments which can be heard over the laughter of kids on the playground or the shouted appeals to fair play in the direction of non-existent referees. They are all someplace else today. As are the young people who follow desire paths down the embankment to smoke and drink in the sanctuary of the bushes.

But there is life and movement beneath the sullen skies. A grey heron stalks the shallows, stepping elegantly over the latest shopping trolley to have been dumped from the embankment. A woodpecker scurries around the truck of one of the older trees. Wait until dusk, and a family of foxes can be spotted trotting along the embankment where, last summer, tents were pitched, tucked beneath overhanging branches of trees. The encampment moved on when the winter winds began to blow. A presence by the river for months, they left no trace when they departed, except a sodden blanket, curled at the water’s edge, waiting to be swallowed by the brambles in spring.

At the window she
stands, staring at the river
and recalls his face

Words & Picture: Paul Scraton

Out of season

The year starts slowly. Around the back of the boathouse, the vessels have been lifted up out of the water and tied to the chain fence in preparation for the winter freeze that can come at any moment. The road runs down the back of the properties that line the western shore of Plötzensee, this lake that has been here since the retreat of the glaciers and is now flanked by a children’s home and a youth hostel, the facilities of the swimming beach, football pitches and tennis courts, and a stonemason’s where they’ll keep your name alive for as long as someone has paid the cemetery fees.

Christmas decorations still hang and flags advertising ice cream flap in what breeze there is, but beneath dull Berlin skies it feels as if the weather too is taking its time to get going this early in the year. The wooded paths around the lake are filled with joggers and strollers, but what action there is takes places on solid land. The playground is empty and there is little to encourage anyone to linger on the empty park benches. There is a need to keep moving.

In the summer the water will be alive with swimmers from the beach and those too tight to pay the bathing fees and who have jumped the lake’s perimeter fence, as the rowers strike out from the boathouse in varying degrees of expertise. Later in the winter a different type of action will come to the lake, after the snow and the temperatures have fallen and a rink can be cleared just offshore from the nudist section of the beach and the air will be filled with the sound of sticks on pucks and skates on ice.

Somewhere, in the apartments and houses of the city, ice hockey players wait for the cold to come, so that the lake freezes and the games can commence. Today, it feels like they might be waiting a while. On the Plötzensee there are no swimmers and there are no hockey players, just a cormorant flying low across the lake, wings beating down towards the water, a black bullet moving fast until that too is just a memory. The lake is still once more.

Beneath the jetty
Swans paddle without fear of
Divers from above

Words & Picture: Paul Scraton

Catapult – Stories from Unnamed Places No.09

They moved in together for the first time not long after she got out of hospital. It had been his job to find them a place, based on long conversations as she recovered from her physio sessions that left her so drained she talked to him with her eyes closed. It wasn’t easy to find somewhere that fit their requirements, but eventually he found it. It was down in the south, in a new estate built beyond the ring road on the very edge of the city. At first glance all the houses looked different, but when he walked down the street he realised that they were all the same concrete box with something slightly altered from one to the next, such as the roof or a conservatory, a carport or a porch. Cosmetic changes, to differentiate them from their neighbours.

He didn’t mind that. And he didn’t mind the distance from the town, from his work and her university. There was a train station close to the entrance of the estate and, in any case, being out on the edge had its benefits. In the beginning, they were the last of the houses, with nothing built up beyond the back fence. From the patio doors that led out to their tiny garden, he could look across a level expanse of sandy ground with an uninterrupted view to the woods on the lower slopes of the hills that rose up right at the moment the city stopped and the countryside started. Even as the estate agent talked through him at the empty walls, he was imagining the walks they would take. It would help her get better, he thought. Help her build her strength. He took photographs to show her in the hospital, but he had already agreed to sign the contract before the next visiting hours began. He didn’t tell her that of course, but it didn’t really matter. She was happy. They were going to be happy there.

In the beginning things went well. He worked and she studied. They spent summer evenings in their small garden and walked out across the empty space beyond the back fence to follow the forestry tracks up through the woods to a lookout point. Sometimes they would walk up in the dark, so they could be there with the views back across the rooftops of the estate towards the tall towers of the city beyond as the sun came up. Her recovery was going well, and soon it was not possible to tell she had been in the accident. Not by looking at her. She was quicker up the path to the lookout point, often running from the bottom to the top for no reason other than the fact that she could. Slowly, they were leaving the hospital ward behind.

The first change came with the sight of a yellow digger, parked just beyond the fence. Notices had been posted on the lampposts of the estate to inform residents that the building works long approved by the local council were now about to begin. Another curved dead-end street was laid out on the sandy soil. Pavements and more lampposts. Concrete slabs upon which the houses would be built. Soon it was only possible to see the top of the hill from the back garden as it rose above the houses taking shape, and it required a fifteen minute detour to the official footpath around the edge of the estate to reach the forestry tracks leading up to the lookout point.

Still, she continued to walk. Her favourite time to go was on a winter morning after a fresh snowfall; to be the first to lay tracks to the top was to turn it into a first ascent every time. She walked through the snow and she walked through the mud. She walked in the height of summer and when the spring winds blew. Increasingly, she walked alone.

Later, he would try and work out when it was he stopped joining her on those walks. It was around the moment that the new houses were finished and the first of their new neighbours moved in. She didn’t seem to mind that he stopped. In any case, she said at the time, he was always with her. When she said it then he took it at face value, understood her to mean that she always held him close. But, as he would come to realise, that was not what she meant at all.

It was fitting that she told him when she came in from another of her walks, knocking the snow from her boots on the outside step before finding him in the kitchen. He was surprised at her words but not as surprised as he would have thought. There was no anger in the conversation, no blame or recrimination, just sadness from both sides. For most of the conversation his questions were almost entirely practical, about where she was going to go and how they would sort out the house and the things they had accumulated in their short time together. And it was short, when he thought about it.

Only once did he risk a question that touched on deeper reasons. He was still sitting on the chair at the kitchen table, where he had been when she came in from the walk. She was standing at the doorway.

‘You still see me as that girl lying in the hospital bed,’ she said. He was too scared to ask for more.

When her book came out, a couple of years later, he was living back in the city centre. She had moved completely, leaving that place and all its memories behind, memories of the university and the flatshares, the accident and the hospital, and the house between the city and the woods. He was surprised when a friend showed it to him. He’d never known she’d been writing. They had copies in the local bookshop, and he picked one up after work. Crossing the street outside the bookshop he went into a pub, ordered a beer, and began to read.

When she had walked those hills alone he had always been with her. That’s what she said, and he still saw no reason to disbelieve her. But when he read her stories, sitting in that pub, word after word, page after page, he realised that there, between those covers, he was absent. She had let him go.

Words: Paul Scraton
Picture: Katrin Schönig
With special thanks to Nadine Khouri

Night Train – Stories from Unnamed Places No.08

At the station he was one of the few that separated themselves out from the crowd of commuters staring mournfully at a departure board listing train after train delayed by the weather. Looking up at the list of destinations it was possible to imagine a map with the station at its centre and all the different lines stretching out, each disrupted at some point along its length. A fallen tree or a downed power cable. A broken down engine. Something dropped down from a bridge, onto the tracks. All the lines are blocked, service interrupted. All but one. And on the imaginary map it is the longest one, travelling the furthest, an unbroken line that will remain clear through the darkest hours of the night.

At the platform, on the very edge of the station, P. found his carriage and stepped aboard. His compartment was the first on the right. Inside there was space only for a bunk bed and a tiny table underneath the window. He left the door open until the conductor came by and held out her hand for the ticket. She looked at it, and then back up at him.

You are travelling alone, her eyes seemed to ask him, as she held in her hand a ticket purchased for two. He started to phrase an answer, an explanation for why she wasn’t here with him, and then stopped himself. You don’t always need to explain. The compartment is paid for. You have the ticket. No further information is necessary.

The conductor stepped back out and started to make her way down the carriage. P. stood in the doorway for a time and looked across the narrow corridor and through the window, down onto the platform. Farewells and final cigarettes. Piles of luggage, still waiting to be loaded on board. Plastic bags filled with sandwiches. Cans of beer. He could sense the excitement, both outside the window and inside the train. It reminded him of school trips. Of long coach rides broken up by stops at lonely service stations or ferry rides. The excitement of a journey through the night, of travel outside of the norm.

He could sense it. He could remember it. But he didn’t feel it. Not now the top bunk would remain empty.

At the appointed time the train eased out from the station. He lay on the lower bunk, propped up on his elbow, watching the city pass by beyond the window until the lights and buildings were replaced by the darkness of the countryside. He left the curtain open even as he put his head back on the pillow. He didn’t really expect to sleep. He was looking forward to the light of the morning. When he had bought the ticket, had he known he would be travelling alone? He could have guessed it. He could see that now. When she walked into the pub, no bags in her hand or over her shoulder, he had known the answer with certainty, but he could have guessed it before.

What did you expect?

She never voiced those words. She chose better ones. Softer ones. But he could read it in her face. She never even sat down at the table.

He woke just before midnight. Station lights shone in through the window, illuminating the cabin. He untangled his legs from the thin bedsheets and sat up, head bowed beneath the top bunk. He did not recognise the name of the station, but the iron bridge that crossed above the platforms beneath the vaulting roof seemed familiar to him. His fuzzy head took a moment to recall the memory, and then it came. It reminded him of the station at home, in the town where he had grown up. On Saturdays, when they went shopping or to the cinema, their local train would call at Platform 2. They would cross the bridge to get to the exit, passing over the trains waiting at the other platforms below. He could picture it exactly. And surrounded by his group of friends, on their way to the shops or to watch a film, he always looked to see where the trains were headed. Imagined himself on board.

For the rest of the journey he alternated between half-sleep with his head down and half-awake with his head up, watching the world pass by beyond the window. He tried to spot the invisible boundaries through the darkness. The moment the church spires changed their shape. The uniforms of the lonely station officials, working the graveyard shift. The language on the billboards when a road came up to meet the tracks, running alongside them for a while.

He tried not to think of her, which meant he thought of her constantly. What had she done when she left the pub? Where had she gone? Where was she now? But time is frozen when you travel long distances. P. knew that. So long as he was sitting in this compartment with his head pressed against the window, only the train was moving. In the witching hour, on the night train, he was out of time. Nothing could be done until the train reached the last of its platform stops. Nothing would change until he stepped out of the compartment and down off the train. So long as he was moving, everything else was stilled.

The first light appeared on the horizon as the train crossed a flat landscape of frozen fields. A low mist hung above the ploughed, rutted earth. Here the villages were small collections of low houses clustered around a church. From the train it was only possible to see into the gardens and small-holdings. A back door or a kitchen window; the villages were turned away from the world, into themselves. From elsewhere in the train he could hear the sounds of his fellow passengers stirring. Hushed conversations. Soft footsteps padding along the corridor to the toilet. He could smell coffee. They were nearly there.

The train snuck up on the city as it was still waking up. There was little traffic on the streets below the railway embankment, and the only souls stalking the pavements were the few early risers and those still trying to find their way home from the night before. For the first time in the journey P. looked at his phone. He had service. No messages. It was still early, he told himself. Suburbs gave way to neighbourhoods of red-brick industrial buildings and tall towers of glass and steel. A team of bin men moved with grace along a street lined with black sacks resting on the paving slabs outside firmly closed doors. Steam rose from heating vents as the sky burned red in a warning of what was to come.

They arrived at the station within a minute of the scheduled time. P. climbed down to join his fellow passengers on the platform. He had spoken to no one, and yet he still felt he shared something with these people. There seemed to be desire among all the night train passengers to wait for a moment, to take the chance to gather themselves before entering the early morning fray. Those who had taken the train before would know it was a shock to the system. From the quiet of the carriages that had carried them through the night to the start of rush hour on the streets beyond the terminus building. P. looked down at his phone. A trickle of notifications, but not the one he had been waiting for. But now they were off the train, time had started once more. He would just have to be patient.

Words: Paul Scraton
Picture: Katrin Schönig